Saturday, April 18, 2009

Vibrators & Masturbation

I collected the link to this video months ago from an email from the company that makes Trojan® condoms. I thought it was funny, even ludicrous, but I've been occupied with other matters and have not used the video as jumping off point for a discussion until now. Watch it:



OK, first I have to vent about the disgusting usage by women of the compound word "girlfriend" to refer to a female friend. How would you women feel about a guy who referred to a male friend as his "boyfriend"? You'd be concerned about his infecting you with AIDS and about the reliability of his sexual orientation to you. Of course, men don't kiss each other for exciting shock value as commonly as Girls Gone Wild do or put on their female lovers' negligees the morning after as women do their male lovers' shirts. Girls, if you want to barf me out, start talking to me about your "girlfriends" or show me your tattoos and piercings that scream "I am a dumb-ass" or tell me about the kid you had out of wedlock. (Forget entering disagreeing comments on my blog on these particular issues, because I will nuke them immediately.)

Here's the clickable link to the site to which the video links you and on which it is found, although the producer has posted a bigger version on YouTube.

OK, is there any disagreement about what one younger woman whispers in the other younger woman's ear? Could it be something as obvious as "make yourself come"?

This brings me to another "it's cool for women but not men" things: masturbation appliances. I'm sure there must be men who think it's cool to have an artificial pussy in the bedstand drawer; I just don't happen to be one of them; and I can't think of one male friend of mine who has one or even speaks kindly of them. For the more sheltered among you, they tend to look like that thing to the right, although they have proliferated in our modern world into the varieties shown by this search link. Wikipedia even discusses them in its wonderful scientific way.

Women have long used the epithet "jerk" for men who they felt did not act properly toward them in a possible relationship context. "Jerk" is a shortened form of "jerk-off," which is the nominative form of the verb-adverb combination "to jerk off," slang for male masturbation to orgasm. Like the common female accusation that a man who does not want her must be a "queer," calling a man a "jerk" implies that he is beating off to relieve his sexual tensions rather than bringing them to a woman, who can then pursue whatever objectives she may have for that man.

But what's good for the gander is also good for the goose. Or bad, as the case may be; and masturbation can be both. Women can also become "jerks" by masturbating to the exclusion of bringing their needs to men. (Thus masturbation -- like lesbianism, sperm banks, and welfare and child support for unwed mothers -- can make matriarchy more doable for the female; but that's another post.)

Of course, it's not necessary to use an appliance to masturbate. The hand, assisted by lubricant or not, can get the job done, but not everyone has talented fingers; and for women, a vibrator can go faster than even a musician's fingertips. One hears claims that such devices can teach a non-orgasmic woman to come more easily, but I suspect that in most cases, a woman's lover simply doesn't make it part of his own pleasure to play the woman's nervous system like a fiddle every time he has sex with her. Also, a woman's clitoris can be numbed by such vibration for a time, and the intensity of the stimulation can propitiate sex addiction in some women.

You can watch the videos on the Trojan® site for claims about how great it is to have and use a vibrator, but remember: vibrators can't sweet talk a woman or provide the smells, sounds, sights, and stroking of a real man. No risk, no gain.

Same truth for you, men....

Sunday, April 12, 2009

$5 Cover Ramping Up

I've criticized Craig Brewer in the past on this blog, but his fallback project of short episodes about Memphis musicians is a return to roots that helps us appreciate the good things we do have here.  Watch the trailer ("teaser") for the series below, go to the site for the series for other videos, and consider going to the premiere Thursday, April 30th at 7pm or 9:30pm at the Paradiso.



I like this video on the site, featuring my recent acquaintance, Alicja Trout: